The month of August 2004.
The third semester commenced, as we reached Jalandhar after a long vacation, and a 24 hour journey on the Punjab mail. Traveling as a group by train was fun, with everyone having their anecdotes to tell, not-to-mention the home-made mouth-watering snacks. That way one did not miss home much. Something was different this time as we entered the institute portals. We were seniors, now. As second year seniors we could walk around with our heads held high, at least two inches higher than couple of months back. Freshers would have joined by now. Of course, ragging was banned by Supreme Court order, but a 'personality development program (PDP)' would continue to occur as long as we could make them believe that their life in campus would be devastating without our blessings.
I had ensconced in the second year hostel with my new room-mate and friend Kanishk. Just as I returned after dinner, I got a call from my home on his mobile. "How are things ? Have you settled ?", my father was curious.
"I am fine, settled, and mess food is fine, too", I anticipated his next question and answered it.
"How was your last semester's result ?", he asked what all fathers consider their prime duty to inquire.
"Don't you remember ? I had shown it you already, on the internet. I got a grade point of 8.75", I replied making it sound it was not so important. "Oh! But you fell short of nine. Make it up this time", he replied.
"I'll try.", I answered. I hated talking about results, right from my school days, and always wondered why it was the sole criteria to judge our capabilities. I wondered what it would be like for others, those who succumb to the demonic grade point system, to talk to their parents.
"Son, listen, it's about my colleague Mr Sinha. His daughter has got Industrial Engineering branch in Jalandhar after the second counseling. He had some queries. Can you answer them ?"
" Of course, I have all the idea !", I replied even though I was from another branch. "What exactly does he want to know ?", I continued, this time more cautious.
"I don't know exactly, some thing about marking system, branch change, placement, etc etc!".
"Why don't you give him this mobile phone number ? He can get all doubts cleared directly." I said.
"Yes, I wanted to ask you once before doing that.", he replied, "Fine, go and study, good night". I described the talk to Kanishk, and he seemed excited.
He said, "Since I am in Industrial after my branch change, and it is my mobile phone, it should be me who should explain all details to your father's friend."
"Don't even think about that.", I chipped. I knew very well why he was so excited.
"I won't hand you the phone when he calls. I will pretend to be you", he teased.
"You'll be caught. Uncle knows my voice. And if you do that, I'll call your home and tell your parents about your shady activities.", I lied to tease him back. For a second he looked scared on my statement, but he succeeded in hiding it.
"Ok, ok. But you should at least consult me. Its my 'branch' privilege.", he almost pleaded.
"Fine, I'll do it", I said, "..if I feel like", adding the later half in a hushed tone.
Uncle Sinha called the next day at eight in the morning. Kanishk was still asleep. He said "Hello son ! How are you ?". I wanted to tell him that he had dialed a wrong number and that I was not his son as he had woken me up too early on a holiday, but I controlled myself. "Namaste (greetings), uncle ! I am fine, thank you.",I replied yawning.
"Is it the right time to talk to you?", he inquired.
"Yes, you may ask whatever you want", I replied looking at Kanishk who was busy dreaming.
"What is this branch 'industrial' ?", was his first question that I had already expected. "Actually, it's a specialized branch of mechanical engineering, somewhat close to production engineering.", I replied.
" I don't know why Snigdha had put it in the list of choices in the counseling. Now this is the only option available to her", he sounded confused and dejected.
"Its Ok, uncle. The branch is related to management studies, too. It isn't a bad choice to pursue., I tried to elevate his spirit.
"Oh! Is it ?", he seemed to feel better on hearing the buzz word 'management'. He then asked me about the scope, the placement, teachers, etc to which I answered whatever I knew. Finally, he asked 'What is this grading system ?', and I immediately felt sorry for his daughter. I tried to explain him the CGPA formula but it seemed all Greek to him. "Why don't you explain it over to Snigdha ? She's good at maths. And also inspire her to work hard so that she can switch over to electronics." , he said after which there was a pause and a father-daughter argument.
"Hello, is it Avishek ?", she said.
"No, I am his father", I replied, and I heard her giggle.
"You seem to be curious about CGPA", I said.
"Yes. Its not very clear - the credits, hours, etc", she replied.
"You've not even joined as of now! Everyone learns with time. So will you.", I answered. "But I can join only when I explain it to my father, and I promise that I'll work hard for branch change."
"Ohh, Weird !.", I laughed.
"Yep, can't help !", she laughed back, and I liked the rhyming.
I explained her in layman terms, and asked, " So, what else do you want to know ?". "Many things. I'm very excited !", she chirped. Indeed, there is certainly an excitement when one is joining a new college. But I had a notion that the despair of going away from home generally overwhelmed the excitement. Maybe it was the opposite for girls, perhaps, as it was a chance to get out of the confines of their homes, plus the fact that they are always on the lookout for 'exciting' things in their life.
"Ohh ! Aren't you sad as you're leaving home for the first time ?", I was curious.
"Of course, I am. I cry for half an hour every day", she said, as if it was a part of her daily routine. I couldn't help laughing.
"Are you laughing ?", she pretended to be angry.
"Yes I just inhaled nitrous oxide.", I quipped.
She giggled and said "I inhaled it, too."
"So are you going to ask everything today itself ?", I asked.
"No....no. I won't waste much of your precious time. I'll call again later... Thanks."
I told her that it was my room-mate's mobile and therefore, she should preferably mail me, until I bought a mobile phone for myself.....I felt as if I had talked to an old friend after a long time. On waking up, Kanishk noticed this and asked me why was I in such high spirits. "Nothing...just a nice sms in your mobile !", I said as I deleted the call log.
That day when I went to 'C' lab, I forwarded to her id, some nice mails sent to me by my friends. Apparently she was online that time, and she replied asking 'the list of subjects, and books' for the first year. I was peeved but I sent her a list from whatever I could remember. It reminded me of some school mates who used to cover next grade's syllabus before it started. I sent her the link to download yahoo messenger, but she replied saying her internet connection was too slow. So, the mail conversations continued. I would send her some forwarded mails every 2-3 days, and sometimes she would sometimes reply, to which I would reply back. To my utter surprise, I came to know that she attended my school, Don Bosco Academy for two years and she was in the same bus route as mine. It meant that we might actually have met everyday. And now, she was about to join my institute. What kind of a coincidence was this ? In one mail she asked me if I had a girl friend, and I described her the sad state of affairs in the mechanical engineering department. About schooldays, I confessed to her about a girl Manisha, a year senior to me, whom I liked. She said that she knew her, as they were from the same bus stop, and then teased me. Once she asked me to call at a particular time in the evening, as she had some questions. I called from the phone booth, and we had some general talk. She asked about movies. I said that I was no movie buff, but we could go sometime, 'if she was interested and if the movie was good', thinking about 'Koi mil gaya' , a blockbuster. Talking to her made me feel that life is meant just to keep smiling always. It was very different - effervescent. "Probably I should call her every 2-3 days", I told myself and smiled. But, I didn't.
Uncle Sinha called 3 days before they were supposed to start off. He inquired about what to carry and what not, and then asked about accommodation. I informed about the institute guest house, and I said that I could try to book it for them, though it was pretty late by then. I submitted an application mentioning that I needed accommodation for my uncle/aunt who were coming for my cousin's admission, but they said they could inform me only after 3 days. I sent a mail to Snigdha mentioning the directions to the institute and other do's/dont's. The first thing to greet you in Jalandhar is the over-cordiality of auto-rickshaw drivers. They would say 'Aa...jao..ji. aa jao...(Come, come, welcome)" even if you look at them by mistake. But they would blankly stare, as soon as you said "NIT", which would end only when you mumbled the full address. Then they would laugh out at you saying "Oh....REC", smirking at your 'naivete'. They were still unaccustomed to the nationalization of erstwhile regional institutes by the Indian govt. On the admission day, I found from the guest house that there was no accommodation available, and messaged it to Uncle Sinha. I advised them to stay at the railway retiring room or a hotel, for the time being.
I had a busy day, and got the time to call them up only in the afternoon. Snigdha picked up the call. By that time she had got admission as well as accommodation. I asked about the journey and how she liked the campus. She seemed happy. I said that I was sorry that I couldn't get an accommodation for her parents, but we could still try once more. So we decided that we would meet at the institute guest house at 5.00pm. I was there on time, after my Machine Drawing class, drafter on my back like a quiver. I greeted Uncle and Aunty and asked if everything was fine. I said 'Hello' to Snigdha and she just smiled in reply, looking even more cherubic. Uncle Sinha said I looked familiar and claimed he had visited my house once. I was about to say that Snigdha looked familiar to me, when she said 'Shall we inquire at the guest house?'. I said 'Yes' and entered through the gate. We walked quietly, perhaps, both of us thinking how to break the ice, although we'd talked before on phone.
"Does uncle know that you were in the same bus as me ?", I said without much thought. She was a little surprised, and replied "He didn't know, but I told him in train.".
"Ohh !", was all I could say.
"Why ?", she asked. "Nothing, just curious ! ", I muttered.
When we finally discovered that there was no way out at the institute guest house, she said "What are other options ?".
"Well, there are no good hotels nearby as our college is in the outskirts, so they'll have to goto city, preferably before night sets in", I replied. She didn't say anything, but her sadness was apparent.
I thought for a while and said, "There is one way out. Aunty can stay with you, and Uncle can stay in my hostel. I can adjust, it doesn't matter for a couple of days.". "That is much better. But in such a case, you must go to your hostel, immediately and take a permission.", I continued without waiting for an answer.
"...seems better", she said, and we went and explained it to Uncle and Aunty. We walked towards the DS (departmental store), and had snacks.
"What about ragging ?", she was more curious than scared.
"It is banned, any one caught indulging is rusticated", I replied.
"Ohh ! So it means as long as no one is caught, it's Ok ?", she was coming back to her jovial self.
I smiled, "You need not worry. Just don't stare at seniors, which I'm sure you wouldn't, nothing will happen. And then....I'm there,anyway". I said reassuringly and continued "But I've heard some shady things happen in Girls hostel, be careful, as my influence ends at its gate.", I said and laughed. I wondered what my final year seniors would say about what I had said.
She joked "But how will I know if the guy I'm staring at, is a senior". She was smart, and seniors rarely liked smart juniors. The dumber the junior was or at least pretended to be, the easier was his way through first year.
"Just don't stare at anyone, at least for an year, to be on the safer side !", I cautioned.
Girls Hostel had a gate timing of 7.00pm which was followed to the letter, much more strictly for freshies. She bid goodbye to her dad, and we were on our towards my hostel, at the other end of the campus. I asked Uncle if he wanted a tour of the campus, but he seemed tired. He asked questions about the college and about my studies. "Grewal's maths, Bhatt's EGD and Thereja's electrical, are classic books since ages", he said when I told him about the first year books. He added he was worried about Snigdha, but the fact that I was there in the same campus was a solace. "Your concern is genuine, but you need not worry about anything", I replied, "Everyone gets used to it with time". Luckily, I had cleaned my room the previous Sunday. Kanishk seemed surprised to see us but when I told him about the circumstances, he just smiled at me wryly. There was some talk on Industrial Engineering, in which Kanishk contributed more than me. He had got this opportunity, after much wait. I allowed him the privilege as he had consented for Uncle's stay without me asking for it. It was an unsaid rule - Room-mates need not ask to borrow toothpastes, buckets, music-players, deoderants, and many such things. Kanishk made sure that he joined us the next day when we met for lunch, and he kept stealing opportunities to talk to Snigdha. He emphasized again and again that he was a senior in the same branch. Snigdha kept mum most of the time, just answered the bare minimum. In the evening, we went to the campus temple, and Kanishk was desperate to pretend being overly pious. I asked him, "When was the last time you came here, last semester, or the one previous to that ?" He stared at me and lied, " I come here every Sunday." Snigdha realised the situation and laughed, just the way she used to, on phone. I looked in her eyes, and then looked at the temple Goddess Durga's eyes carved beautifully. They appeared the same.
Just then Uncle Sinha blurted, "Day after tomorrow is an auspicious day. Snigdha doesn't have any siblings, and since, you have done so much for us, she wants to tie a Raakhee (sacred thread) to you". I didn't know how to react. I just looked at Snigdha expecting her to say the same, but she looked somewhere else. Finding me at loss of words, Uncle continued, " She bought it in Patna, and I told it to your father, didn't he tell you ?"
"No, he didn't. That is day after tomorrow. We can plan one day at a time.", I blabbered something, while feeling enraged at my father. I called home as soon as I could, and found my father wasn't at home. I left an urgent message for him to call me back, and just waited till he did. "What did you say to Uncle Sinha ?", I inquired without even greeting him.
"What? When?", he couldn't understand at first.
"About Rakhee"
"Ohh, that ! Yes, yes. I forgot to tell you. He said that since you've helped them so much, she should tie a Rakhee, and I agreed since you don't have any of your sisters there."
"No body has sisters here, and it doesn't mean all have to get one. Does she want it or not is more important, which no body cares.", I said and continued "Ok...I've to go and study, bye". I tried to keep the thought out of my mind for most of the day. I was lousy in machine drawing class and got rebuked. Kanishk noted my mind's pre-occupation and asked. I didn't want to tell him, as he would laugh and tell it to everyone. But when he forced, I told him only after he swore not to share it. He couldn't contain himself, and continued laughing for a minute. So much that I almost laughed with him !
"So what're you going to do now ? Run away or pretend to fall sick ?"
"No, that will show I've something fishy going on in my mind, and I don't want that. I just want to know what she wants. If she really thinks of me that way, I don't have a problem."
"Dude, how can you say that ? You really don't have a problem ? Are you sure ?", Kanishk teased me.
"Yes, but only and only if its her choice, which I'm quite sure isn't", I said and added, "I'm not like you, trying to encash every opportunity of scoring a girlfriend".
"Don't pretend to be a saint, I know it very well. You may not say it, but you face says it all."
"What does it say ? Tell me ? Since when did you become an expert on reading faces ?", I said and rushed towards him. He ran to escape until he saw Uncle Sinha approaching our room and everything was hushed.
The next day, I left early for my classes. During lunch-break, Kanishk told me that the family had planned to go for shopping in the evening, and that Uncle was asking when would I would return from classes in the evening. I didn't reply and continued eating. At about 4.30pm when I had came out of class for water, Kanishk came with a mobile in his hand, and said, "Call for you", and went. It was Uncle.
"When will you be free after classes ? Could you come over to the DS ? Talk to Snigdha.".
"Hi!", she said.
"So do you have plans for Rakhee ?". I asked, feeling relieved that I had got a chance to listen it from her. There was a pause, after which she said, " I brought it from home."
"Ok, fine, we'll meet at the DS at 5.30pm", I said without thinking.
At that moment, my mind was somehow convinced that it was her choice. I tried analyzing her statement again and again. She didn't reply in 'yes' or 'no'. And she couldn't have refused it, too. It would raise questions. So I was again unsure if it was her choice or an imposed one.
"How does it matter ?", I asked myself.
One half of me answered, "It doesn't. You aren't in love. Are you ?".
The other half replied. "It does. You may become a laughing stock if people come to know of it. And then you may not love her, but you like her as a friend, not as a sister ?"
" Yes....but friends can be like siblings, and siblings can be like friends. So how do things change ?", the first half asked.
"We choose friends, but we don't choose siblings.", pat came a reply.
Then the whole thing dawned on me. Perhaps Uncle had sensed something going wrong and was taking a precautionary measure, or perhaps he wanted me to take a responsibility. I already knew he wasn't comfortable leaving his beloved child away from home. He had already seen in campus, so many couples walking hand-in-hand. I was very much aware of the orthodox mentality that prevailed in our society. There is certainly an added responsibility with a relationship, of whatever kind. One can fight with friends and ditch them, but that isn't so easy with siblings. But that is what makes friends even more special. I finished my tutorial work and found it was 5.25pm already. I thought of taking a different route so as to be inconspicuous to everyone. I took the road through the back side of textile department, which meant I would have to walk more. On my way, I convinced myself that the decision was hers. By the time I reached a corner from where a right turn would take me to the DS, I found it was 5.35pm. I saw her from far. She was sitting on the iron bench, back towards me, looking at the usual route. She was wearing the same pink colored kurti that she wore on the first day, and her hair was tied in with a cute little pink hair-band. "Girls and their fascination with pink !", I said to myself. I thought of startling her from behind but decided against it.
Before I could say anything, she turned, perhaps having given up on me, waiting. We both were startled. I smiled, and she blushed, having revealed her surprise to me.
"I took a different route. So you were going back, weren't you ?"
"I thought you wouldn't come.", she said.
"C'mmon.. I'm only 10 min. late. Perhaps you're not yet familiar with going late to lectures. You'll learn it soon.", I tried to joke.
"Hope so", she didn't find it funny, which was unusual.
"You look glum. Is it because parents are leaving tomorrow or something else ? How was your first day ? Made new friends ?", I fired a volley of questions.
"No. It will take some time getting used to. The day was good. Not yet, they're all so weird", she answered all like one-mark questions.
"Let's go to the back side of the DS, near that ambulance. Where are your parents ? I'm surprised they've left you alone.", I couldn't help being sarcastic even in those circumstances.
"They're getting ready. We've to go out for shopping.", she said negating all the sarcasm. I went straight to the place, and she followed. I extended my right hand, just the way one does for the holy thread at the end of a (puja) holy-ceremony. She took out the sacred thread from her bag with a teddy-bear face. It was a usual one, the one with lots of shining stones and laces embroidered making it look like a marigold. She then tied it, ceremoniously. Not a word was said. Then there was a pause, a killer one.
"My parents would be waiting. I should go. I have their mobile, you can call me at this number.", she said and gave me a small chit of paper.
"I should gift you something. What do you want ?". Silence. "If you don't say something, I'll gift you a book.", I said. She just smiled and started to leave. She seemed in an unusual hurry, and I thought it'd be unwise to prolong.
"Ok, as you wish. See you, bye", I said but wasn't sure if she heard it. She really was one unpredictable character, kind of like me ! I looked around to check if someone had watched the entire episode, but there was no one in vicinity to my relief. I walked back to my hostel, my right hand deep into my pocket. I had thought I'd be able to make out from her body language what was in her mind. But I couldn't. Indeed, women are masters of concealment !
Kanishk was chatting with some other guys near the hostel entrance. I hoped he hadn't divulged any details to others. I knew he would follow me to my room. I went to the balcony and stared outside. "What happened ?", Kanishk asked as soon as he entered. I smiled, and showed him my right hand. He shrieked, "How could you ? This is so damn cheap."
"I don't know. It just happened. I am not yet sure if it was her choice".
"Why didn't you ask her ?"
" I did, on phone, she replied vaguely, but in affirmative."
"But you could've asked again ?"
" I didn't want to hurt her."
" Hurt her ? You might have still hurt her, who knows ?"
" What do you mean ?"
" Forget it, now what ?"
" What, 'what'... I'm thinking what to gift her. I have a book in mind already."
He laughed again, "You're a psycho. Why can't you ask her what she thinks about you?"
"Please don't share this episode with anyone.", I pleaded.
"Ok. But you know the guys around here. There is already a queue of junta lining up for throwing lines...Will you stop them all ?"
"Shameful !!.. I'll take care of it... I hope you aren't in the queue!.", I quipped, wondering if I'd said too much.
"It's not shameful. What you did was shameful. What will you do even if I say I am ?", he replied, went out without waiting for my answer. I tried listening to music, reading some novel, but felt uneasy. The issue was resolved, yet unresolved. Just then Kanishk came in with his mobile, "Its from your home...Keep the mobile, I'm going for dinner". My father asked, "Hello, son, how was the day?"
"Nothing. As usual. What do you want to know about ? " I said to quell my father's excitement. Trying my best not to sound hysterical. I narrated him everything.
"Good. Now we won't be worried, and neither will Sinha. It's good to have people whom you know around you.", was the best thing he could say.
"There is no need to worry even otherwise. I can take care of myself. And I'm not exactly sure what you people were worried about. Whatever...you must be relieved now ! At least that is one good outcome of all this.....fine....I've to go for dinner, the mess will close. Bye", I said and hanged up. I wondered if I had been rude. I decided to call up home again after dinner, but then decided otherwise.
While changing, I found the piece of paper containing her number. And I decided to send an sms to her. I drafted a message, edited it, deleted it...and this continued for 10 minutes. I finally wrote, "Hi ! I just wanted to let you know that I thought of you only as a friend. But when I came to know about your intentions for today, I thought it won't be good to hurt you. I have great respect for the sacred thread and will respect this relationship". I re-read it a few times, and finally sent it. I felt somewhat relieved, and went for dinner. I hoped that the mobile was with her, and expected a reply any moment. Every minute seemed to pass like an hour. Even after an hour and a half when there was no reply, I tried to recall what I'd written. "Did it convey what I wanted to?", I kept thinking and reflecting.
Kanishk was out and would probably come back drunk again. A week ago, he got drunk in Bidhipur (the place which they called 'Heaven on Earth' as it was the only respite from mess food) and on provocation, had called up a batchmate girl in the GH whom he liked. He confessed his 'true love' but, was rejected with an expected comment from her: 'I never thought of you like that, I was your friend, until just now'. He cried, and yelled, got further drunk till he lost sense. He was 'carried' to room by his so called 'well-wishers'. The next day he swore not to repeat it. But there was no surity "At least he doesn't have his mobile with him", I thought. Just then, I heard a beep. A message from an unknown number ! I opened it with curiosity. It was from Kanishk saying that he's in someone else's room doing (read copying) assignments, and might have to put a night-out. My wait for her reply had to be longer. I was tired already, from the eventful day. Sleep was elusive with the chain of thoughts whirling in my brain. And then the mobile beeped again. I saw with half-asleep eyes that it was 12.00 sharp midnight. I was sure it was Kanishk bothering again but thought of confirming it. Unknown number again, but seemed a familiar one this time. It was from her: "Hi! You should have told this to me before. I, too never thought in such a way, but could not refuse it to my parents. I already like you as a friend, and now as a brother. Gn, tc." I felt simultaneous pangs of a motley of emotions - dejection, pity and anger. Soon anger overwhelmed the other two. It wasn't her choice, just as I suspected. I typed vigorously. "You could easily refuse it, or at least inform me in advance. There are certain decisions one has to take oneself. I hope you learn this soon. Bye". I clicked on 'Send' as soon as I finished. I was really angry....angry at everyone including myself, but most at the society we live in, and the way it forces us to give in. I stared blankly at the mobile screen, in retrospect, waiting for a reply.
Kanishk came in the morning and woke me up. I woke up wondering if I was really asleep. The entire episode appeared to be a part of one dream. I actually wished it was !
"Why are you sleeping like this clutching the mobile ?", asked Kanishk. I checked for an sms reply. It wasn't there. Just the last sms, which also proved it was not a dream. I gave it to Kanishk, and he read it with interest, and grinned.
"I told you so. What did you reply ?", I showed him my sent message.
"Fool. You forced her to do this. You could've bluntly refused, which she expected and probably wanted."
"Ohh ...so it's all my fault ? How was I supposed to know ?"
"Whatever.....don't you love her ?"
"How can you say that ? I've not even seen her more than 2 times, at least in near past. Don't ever say it again!"
"But you do like her. And she said she liked you."
"Maybe. But only as a friend. Just as I like other friends."
"Friends ? A boy and a girl of same age can never be just friends! ", he said.
"Are you drunk ?", I said, appalled at his extreme views.
"No. And this is not only my thought, it is the way our society thinks, at least where we belong to. Do you not understand this now ?"
"I'm not sure, but if it is so, is that correct ?"
"I don't know. Wrong or right is all relative.'"
"I don't believe this. You lost a good friend last week because you proposed her, when drunk. Remember ?", I debated.
"I never thought of her as a friend. It's not my fault if she did. At least I'm happy that I told her. And don't bring that episode now."
"It's no use talking to you.", I said.
"Same here. Now get ready, if you don't want to be late for class again.", he said and rushed. This was just another breakfast-table topic of discussion for him. As of me, I was confused and had now started feeling remorseful.
I waited the whole day for her reply, but to no avail. I imagined that she had felt bad. She might have told it to her parents. "What right did I have to write in such a way ?", I thought and realized that I'd been rash. The week ended without any communication between us. When another week ended similarly, I decided to break the ice. I bought a book 'Code name God' and decided to gift it to her. I messaged her asking if she was free, we could go to watch 'Koi mil gaya' as we had planned before, along with any other of her or my friends. But there was just silence. This is a cruel vantage the receiver of a email or mobile message has. Months passed, and life got busy in other activities. Kanishk used to narrate instances of seeing her in her friend's group, sometimes alone at the DS with some guy, but I never showed interest. "It's her life.", I thought. He stopped doing it seeing no reaction from my side. My only cause of unrest was her silence. But we were both introverts, so I couldn't fully blame her. "But where is this shyness gone when she is alone at DS with another guy. Does Uncle Sinha know this at all ? None of my business.", I thought.
In the next semester, once when I was coming out of the library with book bank books, I saw her at the entrance. I wanted to avoid talking to her, when I saw her looking at me. She just said 'Hi, how are you?".
"I'm fine. How are things ?",I replied.
"Fine. I was very busy with the courses.", she said.
"Good. I've a heavy load of books to carry. See you again sometime.", I said and left wondering if I'd been rash again. After a couple of days, I got a mail from her in which she said she was sorry for not being in touch, and asking me if we could just hang out sometime near the DS. I replied, "Don't be sorry. Be truthful instead. People have a right to choose with whom we want to interact. So do you.", I mailed it and then waited for her reply. "If she is really sorry, she would mail be back, and then the iceberg between us would probably melt.", I thought. She never replied.
From her second year onwards, she was in her department and would often interact with her senior Kanishk. But Kanishk never shared any details of their talk with me. I owned a mobile phone, now and we had moved into separate single-seater rooms in the third year hostel. I heard rumors about her having a boyfriend in college, some one from her class. Other rumors were about a boyfriend in Delhi. I wondered how the guys had so much information about the girls hostel, and sometimes even pitied them thinking they didn't have better things to do. In my final year, I went to IIT Delhi to participate in their technical festival. I was surprised to see her there with a guy who was perhaps, from IITD. It was even more surprising when I discovered that he was in the same competition as I, a robotic car-racing event. I avoided looking at her, but once saw her whispering something into that his ears, after which the guy stared at me. I stared at him back. Of course, it was of no use, as I lost the event to him by 5 seconds. He had double advantages - one of his home ground, other of his friend at his side who was also my 'sister'. It was clear that the guy mattered to her more than even our institute. "None of my business", I told myself the hundredth time.
The month of August came as many times as the number of years we were in campus together. What prevailed was just a deathly silence from us both. A month before graduating, when the pressure of BTP(Btech Project) was huge on mind, I had a revelation in my dream. I saw the
entire episode of my high-school, which happened seven years back, come to light. Now I could correlate the two episodes. "As you sow, so shall you reap", I had read this proverb many times. I was at the receiving end this time. It wasn't the fault of Snigdha. But was it entirely mine ? I still don't have an answer.
All characters in this story (except me) are fictitious and any resemblance to an actual event is purely unintended. 
